Grief Unbound: Beyond Linear Narratives
Whether it’s the passing of a loved one, the death of an animal, the end of a relationship, or the loss of a cherished dream – grief is an inevitable companion in this life. We're often told that bereavement is like a road map with a clear start and finish line. You might feel terrible as first but over time your emotional state will gradually improve until you’ve fully moved on. Unfortunately, as you’ve probably guessed by now, it’s really not that simple.
You may have also heard of the ‘stages of grief’ or Kübler-Ross Model — whereby individuals move through linear and sequential phases of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this popular framework has contributed to our understanding of loss, its limitations are increasingly evident. Critics argue that it oversimplifies the grieving process, neglecting the unique experiences and individual characteristics of each bereaved person. By prescribing a ‘normal’ layout of what grief is and isn’t; it fails to capture the richness and complexity of loss as it unfolds in real life.
More like a tangled ball of yarn, grief can best be described as erratic with fluctuating intensities, and varying manifestations from person to person. Emotional outbursts can resurface unexpectedly – triggered by reminders of those we’ve lost. Grief isn’t just about us. It’s also influenced by our cultural and social norms, beliefs about life and death, and the type and quality of our relationship with the deceased. As you can see, there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach.
The nature of loss defies categorization and standardization. Instead of imposing rigid expectations and attempting to pathologize what constitutes a ‘normal’ reaction; let us embrace its multifacetedness. By recognizing that there is no right or wrong way to grieve – we can extend compassion to ourselves and others; creating a safe space for healing and growth.
You do not need to face this alone.
If you find yourself in need of guidance through these difficult times – I am here to support you as a Psychologist and Certified Life Coach. Let this serve as a reminder next time you’re grappling with loss; every healing journey is as unique as the individual who embarks on it.
References:
Boyraz, G., Horne, S. G., & Waits, J. B. (2014). Accepting death as part of life: Meaning in life as a means for dealing with loss among bereaved individuals. Death studies, 39(1),111.doi:10.1080/07481187.2013.878767
Doering, B. K., & Eisma, M. C. (2016). Treatment for complicated grief: state of the science and ways forward. Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 29(5), 286-291.
Kastenbaum, R. (1986). Is there life after death?. Prentice Hall Press.
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Simon and Schuster.
Rosenblatt, Paul C. (2017). Researching Grief: Cultural, Relational, and Individual Possibilities. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 22(8),617630. doi:10.1080/15325024.2017.1388347
Silverman, G. S., Baroiller, A., & Hemer, S. R. (2020). Culture and grief: Ethnographic perspectives on ritual, relationships and remembering. Death Studies, 45(1), 1-8. doi:10.1080/07481187.2020.1851885
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1998). Culture and grief. Bereavement care, 17(1), 7-11.
